Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
