U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Found the puke drawer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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