:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Randomize
