So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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