It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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