Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
there's paper in my vomit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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