distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
