do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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