I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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