a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
