so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
