When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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