I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
