you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
