i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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