I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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