chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
