she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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