I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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