She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
