How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
