since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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