if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
