i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
