Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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