And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
