life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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