i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
