The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
