this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
