were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
