Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
