and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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