does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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