Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
