I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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