I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
