he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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