Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
