He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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