Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
