Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
