its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
