Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
