I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
