he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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