Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
