4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
