I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drake has all the answers
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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