ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
