I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
