I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize