i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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