I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
