So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
