Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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