Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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