their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
