and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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