mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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