Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
