im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
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He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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