I want to have your abortion
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
