dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize