Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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