I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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