So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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