No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
