i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
