After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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