remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
