I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
