just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
