I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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