I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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