YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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