This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
