Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
