maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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