do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize