You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
