hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
