worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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