Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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