Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
