Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
