My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
